Missionary Relationships. What does the Bible say?
The other day I heard a new phrase that sent a shiver down my spine. The phrase, “missionary dating” and its concept are not new, just new to me. Missionary dating is a term used by Christians to describe a person of faith dating a person with differing beliefs, for the purpose of influencing that person to convert to Christianity.
My concern with this philosophy is several-fold and the ramifications, HUGE!
The term “missions” is often used to justify personal connections outside of God’s boundaries; whether business, friendships, love or any other kind of association.
The motive for entering into such relationships is, more often than not, a self-centered pursuit rather than a godly one. For example;
- A romance pursued because of a physical attraction is exactly that, non-spiritual, purely physical.
- A business partnership with someone deemed to be an expert at what they do, likely has more to do with a desire to prosper in some way, rather than to have a kingdom impact.
- An opportunity presented to show-case God given gifts and talents in an environment that invites a compromise of values, likely has everything to do with exalting ones-self, instead of glorifying God.
Even if the intent for pursuing the relationship seems pure, the reason for forming such alliances may be hidden deeper within the heart. Here are some thought indicators; “If he or she just spends a bit of time with me, I know I can be a good influence in his/her life.” – or – “I know what they are doing is unethical, but I will convince them that there is a better way; If they like me and see that I’m cool, then they like Jesus too”; these thoughts should raise a red flag.
When you buy into the deception that what you say or do is going to be the thing that prompts a person to choose Jesus, you wrongfully place yourself in the position of being God to that person. You can not make other people believe in Jesus. Only God can do that.
Additionally, there is at best a 50% chance that you will have the influence. More likely than not, the missional relationship will backfire. Have you ever been around someone who swears a lot? Have you noticed how those words slowly creep into your thoughts and before long, you swear out loud?
It is dangerous to place yourself in a position where you are tempted to depart from God’s will. Countless stories exist of prominent Christian figures falling into terrible sin. I know of a young Christian fellow who determined missionary dating was a wise choice. He recently converted to Buddhism, the faith of his girlfriend. Many have abandoned their faith because of the influence of others.
We were commissioned to go out into the world to share the good news about Jesus. Early missionaries had very strict boundaries. They did not form personal alliances with non-believers. They made huge sacrifices, with little or no personal gain, all for the sake of sharing the gospel.
To form an intentional bond with an non-believer is in direct conflict with the word of God. Paul likened these kinds of relationships to a partnership between Christ and the devil. Paul said, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Instead come out and be separated.” 2 Corinthians 6:14-17.
Friend, if you want to be a missionary, it would be wise to establish boundaries!
On the other hand, the bible gives us advice for forming good connections. God’s idea; fellowship. Fellowship by definition is association with people who share the same interests. For Christians, someone who will help you fight against sin. These relationships are sacred and have God at the center. Companionship with another believer is necessary, invaluable and meant to be life-giving.
Aleichem Shalom
~dl.
Don’t Tell Me That!
It’s cherry season in Kelowna and cherries are one of Kelly’s favorite fruit. Last week we were invited to a friend’s house to pick cherries from their tree. Kelly quickly jumped at the chance, packed a ladder, grabbed the biggest buckets he could find, and off we went. You might have thought Kelly won the lottery by the look on his face. He had a huge smile as he spotted the tree; huge and drooping with cherries.
Picking and eating, Kelly spent the next hour humoring himself by spitting the pits at the birds who were contending for ‘his’ fruit. I humbly suggested Kelly not eat the fruit until we had taken it home and washed it, because our friends had sprayed their tree. Of course Kelly found no wisdom in my words.
Arriving home, content with his harvest, Kelly washed some of his cherries, placed them in a bowl and settled down in front of the television for a feast. While he ate, I picked through the rest of the cherries to discard the rotting ones, and that is when horror struck me. The bowl of cherries was crawling with worms! Worms that reared their ugly little white heads, and appeared to stick their slimy tongues out at me in taunt. I screamed, and to Kelly’s dismay, I yanked the bowl out of his lap. After I explained my actions, Kelly groaned and said, “ AHHH – I wish you never told me that.”
The truth is, even when sprayed, cherries sometimes have worms. It’s one of those things that you don’t really want to know, but once you know, you feel obliged to tell others.
I don’t mean to compare God’s instructions to a bowl full of cherries with worms, but I couldn’t help but laugh the other day as I shared a truth from the Bible with a friend. As I told her about a passage that I had read that morning, my friend covered her ears, groaned, and exhorted – “Don’t tell me – I don’t want to know!” Oddly, I understood exactly what my friend was experiencing.
There are things in the Bible I wish God never said, or at least wish I didn’t know. Things like;
- I’m supposed to be a submissive wife.
- I’m supposed to love my enemies and pray for them.
- I am to honor those who have authority over me: prime ministers, corporate authorities, pastors and yes, parents, even if I don’t agree with them. (Note to wives: husbands are included in that list too.)
- I am to give away ten percent (at least) of my hard earned money to the church, ie: people that I don’t know all that well, so that they can use it in whatever way they deem best, at the same time, I am to deny myself of the pleasures in this world.
Oh and by the way, I am to do all this with joy in my heart and not complaining!
I have a counter-will issue. Show me a rule and I’ll break it. Show me a line and I will cross it. Once, while wrestling with God about what He was telling me I needed to do, I stamped my feet and shouted at Him out loud, just like a little girl might do, “I WISH I NEVER KNEW THIS”!
Sometimes it seems the Bible is taunting – or is that daunting? Maybe both! Living in ignorance to God’s instructions can at times, seem easier. Just as I felt obliged to tell my husband about the worms in his cherries for obvious reasons – the writers of the Bible can be credited for their strong warning to us. Likewise, we have an obligation to tell others the truth, in an act of love!
A person can, unknowingly, pop a cherry full of worms and become ill from the maggot infested fruit. Once you know at least you can make an informed decision.
Just as easily, not knowing the truth can lead us into some dangerous situations. God’s hedge of protection over us can only be found within the walls of His divine will. When we step outside those walls we are on the enemy’s turf. Obedience = Protection.
If you are in Christ, no doubt you have had an experience like I have; where the Word from God’s own lips, as tough as it was to hear, transformed my thinking and saved me from certain destruction.
Will you share God’s word today – even if it isn’t the most welcomed message!
Aleichem Shalom.
~dl.
The new “However-you-want-it” Christianity!
I have a passion for coffee. My intense love for this deliciously brewed warm beverage is quite specific. Not just any coffee will do – it must be really good coffee. Having the realization that there was a difference, that I could have a plain old cup of low quality java – or – I could have really great coffee experience, caused me to decide that as much as it was up to me, I would never be without “good” coffee again.
My favorite morning cup is an Italian roast – sweet and caramelly, with just a hint of smokiness which comes from the way the bean is roasted, dark and darker still. I take my coffee with a bit of cream. Yet, on a warm day there is nothing more enjoyable than to indulge in an iced-latte made with espresso, 1% milk and some, but not too much, ice. My favorite coffee house does not carry one percent milk, however, the mission of that company is to prepare my drink, “However – I – want – it,” so the barista is happy to mix two percent milk with skim milk to personalize my drink for me.
Likewise, this have it your way mentality has slowly infiltrated our churches. To accommodate the variety of work and lifestyles schedules, many churches now offer several worship times for corporate assembly, including Saturdays and Sundays and even a mid-week time.
The Saturday night worship-time is often a popular choice for families with young children, while the “aging” church-going population tends to prefer an earlier Sunday morning gathering. The youth and young-adult generations typically opt for the later Sunday morning or Sunday evening service times. Mid-week often offers a variety of deeper study options.
It is comforting to know that we have alternatives, don’t you think? If we stay out late Saturday night, we can sleep in on Sunday morning and still take in a church service. If we work Sunday, we can go Saturday night and not feel like we have missed our weekly time with God. Of course going to church does not make you a Christian, so missing church completely is fine too.
With declining membership issues churches have gone to the extreme to be culturally relevant, hoping to attract new members. Churches that lean toward the contemporary formats, with seeker-targeted messages and music might make you feel as if you were at a rock concert. Or, if you like it “old-school” – simply attend a service that sticks to older hymns and ‘suit and tied’ preachers with a more solemn message. If neither of those works for ya, there are a growing number of churches calling themselves “Emergent” or “Social” – with comfy couches placed appropriately to promote conversation. The couches help those who are not ready to commit to Jesus to feel welcomed and unjudged and the format is more Q&A, rather than straight from the bible. It is not uncommon to find one church that offers a variety of worship styles.
Our choices are not limited to service times and worship styles; somehow we have even managed to customize Jesus. If we like the Jesus who healed the sick, that’s “our” Jesus. There’s the Jesus who turned water into wine – if you like wine – that’s a good Jesus to have. Of course we all want the Jesus who loves us and forgives unconditionally, and does not require us to change. Some even claim that Jesus is a good role model, but He’s “not” the only way to heaven – there is more than one path.
Can you have your church, your worship experience and your Jesus – “However-you-want it”? My specialty drink usually retails at about $3.50. It’s a lot to pay for coffee, wouldn’t you agree? But, have you ever wondered how much the new, “However-you-want-it,” Christianity is costing us?
Paul answered this question in his letter to Timothy, explaining, “Envy, strife, abusive language, evil suspicions and constant friction arise between men [women] who are deprived of the truth. 1 Timothy 6:4-5. For further clarification, those whom Paul considered to be missing the truth were:
- Advocates of a different doctrine (than the doctrine of the entire Bible – cover to cover).
Paul explained, these people were only interested in a form of godliness for personal gain. He further described them as people of depraved minds. Ouch! There is a difference between following the entire doctrine of the Bible and following only the actions of Jesus.
The cost of a customized Christianity, you ask? The thought of that number frightens me. Many gone astray from the faith. Paul exhorted, “Hold fast to what has been entrusted to you – avoid worldly and empty chatter and the opposing arguments of what is falsely called ‘knowledge.’” 1 Timothy 6:20-21. Grace be with you!
Aleichem Shalom!
~dl.
